Since someone took the time to comment and tell me I'm a rotten mother, I thought now that the baby is down for a nap and the laundry is in the dryer I would take the time to reply back to you. I'll have to do it here since I couldn't reply back to your comment in email...I hope you don't mind.
Comment from Jenn
I do not know you or her father, but please don't call him an idiot. It isn't good for anyone, especially your daughter.
February 9, 2009 11:09 AM
So here it goes...no you do not know me or her father , I'm sure if you did know him you just might call him worse then that! Let me introduce myself and the man that should not be called an Idiot !
I had very abusive parents so when I was 15 and strong enough I went to the police and told on them and got myself out of that house. When I was 18 I hung out with a guy I had known since I was 14 and I was young and stupid and had sex with him and I got pregnant.
I had decided I really didn't like him or his mean nasty family and told him I didn't want to be together and he could still see his baby whenever he wanted. He cried and begged me not to break up with him and that he wanted to be a family with me and our baby. I think because I never had a real family , I gave in to him in hopes my child would have the family I never did.
He was ok for the most part, but his family were always nasty to me. Once our daughter was born and we were living together I being young and stupid thought it would be better for us to be married instead of living together and having a baby.
We got married and I ended up getting pregnant again, when I was a couple weeks away from having our second baby he got mad about something I said while we were driving down the road and stopped the car and tried to throw me out on the side of the road to walk home...he's nice like that !
Two days later when it was time to bring my daughter in the house from playing and get her settled down for bed, his brother's kid wouldn't stay home and kept coming back in our yard wanting to play. I walked the kid home across the field three times and finally when I was walking back to our yard and seen he was once again following me I turned around and yelled " Go Home " and pointed to his house. My lovely brother in law who had been watching the whole time and was to busy drinking to make his kid stay in his own yard jumped up and ran over to where I was and threatened to punch me in the face if I ever talked to his kid like that again! You know men that beat up nine month pregnant women are very cool and manly !
That kid has been arrested lots of times since then and my children and have not ever gotten in trouble from the police ,but his family is so much better then me ! Anyways .......
My husband said nothing when I walked back home and told him what his brother had just done. I had my baby the next week, she came out and was a girl and he looked at me like he was going to kill me and walked out of the room without looking at his baby or saying a word to anyone.
Mean while my after birth wouldn't come out and I was bleeding and bleeding and ended up being rushed to the O.R. so I didn't die. He was just getting off the elevator when they were wheeling me on the other and said where are you going, the doctor said what was going on and how bad it was and he just said "oh" and could care less.
I get home two days later with my new baby on my birthday and he leaves two minutes later, my neighbors invited me over for supper and her husband even went and got me a cake. A couple hours later my husband shows up yelling because I didn't make supper for him.
Three weeks later he tells me he doesn't want to be married and wants to be single so he can run around with his friends instead of being stuck at home with babies. That's nice a month before our first anniversary ! I'm being a mom and not running around with my friends and he's two years older when is he going to grow up....I'll find out later the answer to that is NEVER !
So after about 6 months of me being on my own with these two girls he decided to beg to come home and be a husband and father...I stupidly let him and live with him acting like a hateful mean little nasty brat , but I figure as long as we are a family and my kids have a father and he never hurts them like he does me it's better then them never having one.
I end up pregnant for our son and since he's been working away for months and months life is not so bad . I live my life and he isn't there to yell and be nasty to anyone. I spend the whole nine months alone while he's away, he gets home a week before the baby is born and it's a boy so he doesn't walk out of the delivery room this time.
I think since it's a boy and it's been a few years now maybe just maybe he will grow up and be a good man. He takes a different job a few years later where he is going to be home all the time, we build a new house and he's still always gone . Now that he's back home again he still wants to spend every minute he's not working running around with his friends and when he is at home he helps with nothing and all he does is yell.
I decide the first week of January that I will be turning 30 that August and I don't want to spend the next 30 years of my life like this with a man that treats me like dirt and having my kids grow up watching it! I tell him I want a divorce, even though I know things will get ugly !
He is wild and flips out my life is a living hell for the next year, I stay home with my kids and never date or run to bars and that's all he does while living with his lovely parents that think he can do no wrong and who will constantly lie for him.
I finally meet a guy a year later and we have been together ever since, he's great and my kids love him and he treats them better then their real father ever did or will. Meanwhile their father has started dating some girl but denies it to everyone because of her age . She's 15 and he is 32 and doesn't want to go to jail . So he is never seen with her , but I hear things from the kids when they go to see him on his weekends. One time I guess his friend's kid seen him kissing the girl and told everyone that was his girlfriend while my kids were there , so when I go to pick them up he runs out to my car and says Taylor is probably going to tell you I have a girlfriend because .....told her I do but I don't at all the kid doesn't know what he's talking about.
Once I'm remarried and the kids are around him they discover that yes indeed that girl is his girlfriend and she's moved in with him, but he tells anyone that she's the baby sitter when he's out with the kids and her. Still not admitting what he's doing wrong, finally when the kid is over the age where he can't get in trouble she's magically his girlfriend now !
This summer when my kids were with him they went camping in New Jersey and were going to parks and things which was nice ,but not really done for them it was to take his little girlfriend places that she had never been the kids just happened to be there too.
One day while driving from the camp ground to six flags my daughter gets on her kick about the girl and he gets mad at her. He gets mad when anyone says anything about how sick the whole thing is. My daughter being a teen and having a mind of her own keeps yapping away and saying how she doesn't like this girl and whatever. He yells at her and defends himself and his little girlfriend and my daughter says well how would you like it if I started dating some 35 year old man? He replies do whatever you want it's your life....OMG what kind of father says that to his 15 year old daughter? Anyways...my daughter says well I would never do that because it's sick and the man would be a pervert just like you are being .......SMACK he backhands my daughter in the mouth ! She had a purple and bruised swollen lip for a week !
He then pulls over to the side of the road and orders her out of the front and into the back . He then turns around and drives back to where they were staying orders her to get out of the car get her ass in the tent and not to say anything to anyone or leave the tent until he gets back and if she does she's going to be sorry. He gets in the car and drives away , because him spending the next 5 hours riding on roller coasters is much more important to him then his daughter is.
I get a call from a number I don't know with my daughter screaming and bawling and I don't know what is going on. I finally get it out of her what has happened and that the woman there wants to call the cops on him for abandoning his under age daughter . I'm freaking out by then and thinking WTH do I do now I'm half way across the country, the other two kids are with him. I didn't want to have the cops involved !
I talk to the woman and tell her to not call the cops , and she's nice and doesn't . So when he finally comes back he finds Taylor at the office instead of in the tent where she was left and told not to make a scene. He's mad and orders her to the car , but the woman says she's not going anywhere with you until you call her mother. That makes him even more mad , he calls and tries to act like he wasn't gone long and he really didn't mean to hit her.
Things get worked out the kids are back home and safe and he still tries to act like it was just really nothing at all and he didn't mean to hit her. When he says this to my daughter she said you are lying if it was an accident like you said then you wouldn't have said keep it up and you'll get it again!
This is just a few examples of the stunts he's pulled and the last one could have landed him in jail since he did all of this in the States and he's a Canadian , so I saved his sorry ass from being put in jail , with charges of abuse and abandoning an under age child in a country where he doesn't live. However he doesn't even bother to acknowledge that I was nice about it and still talks shit to me whenever he can while defending his choice of being with some young kid .
So I don't really think me calling him an idiot on here is all that bad, mostly since my daughter doesn't know I have a blog so she doesn't ever read it.
Now that you have got to see just a little bit of what a great guy he is , what should he be called ?I'm even nice enough not to ever use his real name so nobody reading this tracks him down and attacks him or something.
I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog and taking the time to tell me I'm a rotten mother and doing it while I'm pregnant is a really nice touch !
Hope you have a great day, your comment sure made mine !
14 comments:
Umm... You go ahead and call him whatever you want. If my parents did not read my blog on a weekly basis I would share some stories about how much of an idiot each of them has been.
People are people - some are good, some are bad. Some are smart, some are smart asses. Some people are simply idiots, and that is what you should call them.
I'm sorry you were made to feel bad. I hope your day is going better.
I was in a very abusive relationship with my oldest ones father. I never told her of how he treated me, but later, when she visited him a few times, she saw how terrible he was, and did not want to be around that. She made her own opinion of him based upon what she saw and how she was treated, and if in my presence she called him an idiot, I didn't tell her that she was wrong to feel that way. But I didn't encourage it. Like I said, she formed her own opinion, after finding out how abusive he was, and being abused herself.
Many of us have blogs so that we can vent, and as you said, our children don't know these blogs/ vents exist. Having taken the opportunity to get to know you outside of your blog, via online chatting, I think you are a terrific gal, and an awesome mommy. Of course, it wouldn't be in your child's best interest to speak negatively about their father to them, you know that. But that's not what you were doing. You were merely venting to us, your blogging friends, and I want you to know that from my perspective, you should continue to do that.
I noticed on her blog that she is a Proverbs 31 woman. I am a Christian too. Maybe before she comments next time, she'll remember to seek out the full story before commenting or judging. That's His job. She would have better served you by asking what your background was and seeing if there was any way she could help, or pray for you.
Don't get down on yourself... you are a sweet heart ;o) {{{hugs}}} Janet
And p.s. I "ditto" RobMonroe, lol...
this brought tears to my eyes! i'm so sorry that you've had to deal with so much pain! You are so precious and you really want the best for your kiddos! I'm so happy that you have a hubby that is a good daddy to your kids! You are not a rotten mother, you adore your kids! sorry for all the pain...i wish that i could erase it all! (((hugs)))
I think You were being way to nice calling him an Idiot.
Sounds like an idiot to me.
I seriously don't understand why people feel the need to make comments like that. Sorry you had to deal with that today. As much as possible just let it go and remember that for every rude person out there there are 10 nice, wonderful people.
Having read so many stories you have written about your ex, I truly feel that you referring to him as an idiot was nowhere in the realm of what he deserves to be called.
Don't ever let someone doubt yourself again. You are wonderful amazing and like all of us, doing the very best for your children.
Oh, I have a few choice words for men like that. My oldest boy's father is way more than an idiot!! And too think that someone had the nerve to write that comment? It sounds like they need to look at themselves a bit more and not at others.
And what a horrible first marraige. I am so sorry you had to deal with such a jack a$#. Nobody should ever be treated that way. And I would have sent his butt to jail. But you are nicer than me.
Don't worry about what other people think. You know what really happened, and you don't have to justify it with anyone else!!
I think you are a wonderful mother!! And I hope you have a better day!
I saw that comment and was curious what you thought about it. Yes calling him an idiot is an understatement.
Since we've talked on MSN many afternoons I know you are a great mother and that person who made the comment doesn't need to return to your blog if she doesn't like the way you talk. I mean the little red box in the right top corner with the X in it is all it takes!
Don't you just love how people like to give judgemental type comments to people that they don't really even know? I don't think people really think about how their comments sound sometimes. Anyway, it's your blog! Say whatever you want! :)
Huge congrats to you for dumping the offending "idiot"!
I think you're being more than kind when you refer to him that way. If that were my reality, I'd use a handful of definitely un-pc words!
Enjoy your life!
YOU ARE A FANTASTIC MOTHER.
Every decision you have made since becoming pregnant has been with all of your children in mind and as the most important factor.
My mum had similar experience to yourself and your daughter, like myself, will be able to make her own mind up and with the sound of things she knows exactly what her father is like without you having to tell her or read it on a blog.
Good Luck with everything
You do not have to justify yourself to some random internet stranger that obviously has nothing better to do than tell other random strangers what to do. She needs to find a life and practice what she so devoutly preaches.
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