
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day . So tonight at 7 pm I will be lighting my candle and letting it burn for an hour in remembrance of all the women who have suffered this great loss. Their families that went through it with them ,and all those parents that came home from the hospital with empty arms.
A couple of you who are reading this know ,but most do not . Before we had Brody , my husband and I went through a bad time. I... like so many of you took the at home test ,and it said yes faint but still yes. I went to the doctor and did the blood test and she called an hour or so later and said yes.
I went in the next morning and they did all the blood work. I didn't want to tell anyone until later, but my husband being his first one was too excited. He told his mom and called his dad and his best friend from the army. We told the kids ,but other then that I had no one to tell .
I had a few times where I was spotting and had never done that before, I have read though that it does happen to lots of women and since it wasn't bad and I had no pain ..I let it go. I thought I noticed my boobs weren't hurting anymore at one point but once again , I didn't really give it another thought after all I had three kids already and its been 10 years so I went about my days.
Then we went for our first doctor visit at 10 weeks and she wanted to do an ultra sound just to see how things were going. I had just mentioned the spotting and she said oh that's nothing lots of women do that, I said I never have but she reminded me she sees alot more pregnant women then I do so I dropped it.
I laid there as she got ready to have a look at the baby, my husband all happy holding my hand waiting to see his baby for the first time. I looked at the screen and knew something was not right, I have had a few of these before. I never said anything , my husband didn't really have a clue what he was looking at anyway so he didn't see what I did.
The doctor looked and looked and then said to me , you did get a positive back right ? I said yes and three at home ones before it, she said well I'm not finding anything. She looked at my chart and said yes it says pregnant ,go to the lab right now and have another one. I walked over there and had it done and then went back to her office to wait. After awhile they called us back in and she said well it came back negative.
She said you most definitely were pregnant because I'm reading your test results, but sometimes women can be pregnant and then it just goes away and they never know it was there. However because you guys were watching for it you just happened to test at the right time and it showed up if you had waited a week you would have gotten a negative when you tested.
We went home , I was shocked and felt so stupid that I thought I was pregnant for the last few weeks. I mean I never had anything go wrong before and I did have signs that I wasn't or something was going on wrong at least and I just ignored them. I cried because I felt like such a stupid idiot!
We were supposed to go away that weekend to his grandfather's 80th birthday, instead I had to watch my husband call his dad and tell him we wouldn't be coming and there was not going to be a baby. I cried watching my husband be heartbroken, and breaking his dad's heart . My husband was the last boy in the family, in fact the Army told him he didn't have to go to Iraq because he is. He still went ,because he wanted to be with his guys. His dad had been so excited for us and the thoughts of maybe it was going to be a boy to carry on the family name added to it, so I know that he was very sad .
I would have been due October 20th . However a couple months later I got pregnant and didn't bother going to the doctor until three weeks after my positive test at home and I did about 10 of them. I told my husband that this time we couldn't tell anyone until after we see the baby and know that it's in there and everything is good. So we waited and kept it to ourselves, we went a few weeks later and she did an ultra sound and there he was in there ,and everything was good.
We went home and he called his dad ,and said we are going to have a baby and we just seen it moving around in there . This time I was due Feb 20th . We had Brody on the 12th and I have to say I have never seen a grandfather love a baby as much as my fil loves Brody. He lives two hours away and doesn't see him that much ,but when he does that baby will go right to him every time with a smile on his face! He cries sometimes with different people he doesn't know ,but he never ever did that with his papa.
I have gone through a miscarriage with two of my close friends . A couple of blog friends I have, have also gone through it since I have known them and it makes me cry every time . For me it wasn't as sad because I was more interested in the medical part of how it all works, I would have been a labor and delivery nurse if I hadn't gotten pregnant so young and had a baby at 19. I felt worse for my husband, I know if it had happened to me when I was farther along and had to feel everything ,then it would have been hard for me and even though it was a bad thing I'm glad it happened how it did and not later.
So tonight I will light my candle and you should too ! As this is something that touches almost everyone, whether it is you personally or someone you are close to or just someone you know.
If everyone lights a candle and lets it burn for an hour, there will be a wave of light that will travel the world.
Here is a link to the website
http://www.october15th.com/ .